just turned 18 lol
I've seen memes about it since the beginning of the year: the '07 kids finally making their first steps to adulthood. Welp, I finally became one of them, and I don't really know what to make out of it.
In the beginning I was quite scared. The long periods of daydreaming finally caught up to me, and I would have to start living in the real world, I thought. Less time to ponder, and more of it will have to be spent on living, which I never really got to do in my adolescence. In fact, I didn't feel like a teenager at all. I would see my mates just go have the best time of their lives and go to all these conventions with their significant other, while I'm just sat there in the corner cheering for them ┐(ー;)┌.
I dunno really. Maybe I just compare myself much to other people. But still, I had my flaws. I was always tired, homesick, and buried into the digital world, battle sleep as I experiment with the fourth Linux distro of the night. While there was a sense of fulfillment with what I did (I really did like doing it), there was always that lingering guilt for some reason. It was as though I should be doing something else, like the 99 other hobbies I have (is it really fine to have so much hobbies all at once?? (Ｔ▽Ｔ) ).
And so, when the time finally did come, there was a sense of relief that the time finally came, but also a feeling of regret; a REALLY deep sense of regret. On one hand, there's that feeling of "Finally, I am an adult now, who can do very adult things that adults usually do!!1!!1." But on the other hand, there's the "I could've done something better with my teenage years, I reckon. I really wanted to dedicate more time delving into making art and literature."
But the moment I woke up that 27th of November, I felt indifferent? Sure I'm 18 now, and sure I'm legally and adult at this point and gained a lot more independence than usual. But, time didn't change like how I expected it to be. In fact, it continued like clockwork. There's the feeling that I could definitely still do all those things if I dedicate a little bit more of myself to my passion.
At the same time, I was reminded of the things I read from my inspiration, Vincent Van Gogh, who started taking art at, what others consider, a "late" age to begin art. And so, there's that sigh of relief that even the oldest person alive is capable of creating some sort of masterpiece, right?
Entering adulthood sure is a roller-coaster of emotions. You become so excited with all this individualism, but also stressed out of the higher expectation people expect of you. But, from what my favorite line from Undertale says:
"Despite everything, it's still you."
So, adulthood wouldn't just take a part of me away, right? Perhaps it would just make that silly inner child just a little bit happier with the bigger canvas.
But, I could definitely use some shut eye right now... (Ｔ▽Ｔ)
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