burnout is a pain
As the final days of the school calendar came rushing in, the school bombarded us with more tasks and more exams which, as a result, demanded more of our time. We were basically expected to consistently use 100% of what we can during those days, and it was tough to manage.
Eventually, those hectic schedules were dealt with, and now, we can all go home and rest.
And as for me, my eyes gleamed with stars thinking of the things I could possibly do for the vacation. I could do a new programming project, I could practice more music theory, I could do more art; the possibilities were endless.
So many things to do, and yet counterintuitively, the more I think about them, the more anxious I feel about actually doing them. And looking back at most of the days so far, I just slept in, absolutely drained from that hellhole that was the second semester.
It's such a huge pain having all these big ideas and plans in your head, and yet having constant mental blocks and fatigue that tie your hands down, stopping you from whatever you're doing. Yes, I am aware that time is such a limited resource, but my body refuses to listen, and would just rather lie down in bed, and sleep for who knows how long.
Likewise, I'm also going on this war with my mind and its desire to stop doing the very thing it is meant to do: to actually think of something. A part of me just wants to consume games, movies, and food. Meanwhile, a rather hungrier side of me wants to create more as though it was filling me up with guilt of not creating enough goals or projects these past few months. This war left me with several headaches that lasted for days, leaving me not being able to do more in the process.
In the end, it feels like I've been paralyzed. My entire body is burning internally, and I can do nothing but lie down and wait for it to end. I can't move nor think—a slow and painful factory reset. The question being, how long do I have to wait?
All I need now is some sort of self-discipline and motivation that can help me balance these things out and finally be able to do what I have been planning for so long at the back of my mind, hopefully.
P.S.
To that (existing?) subscriber, I am DEEPLY sorry for not uploading for so long. I simply just had important stuff to deal with prior.
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