a worrying transition to adulthood
TL;DR: worried about becoming an adult as it feels like it is too soon
I am now on that fine line where the transition from group to another is starting to feel weird. Yes, the previous stage is starting to blur whilst the one in front of me is starting to open up. Yet, mentally, I was still where I was before; I feel like a child with a beard. On one side, I feel happy to know that I'll get a sense of independence. On the other hand, I question myself: have I really lived that long?
Lately, I've been finding it hard to let go of things I should have let go years ago. Essentially, I dabbled a little too much into the past to the point that its vines are starting to grow from below me. This and the anxious thought of the future is starting to get to me. The future is where I wanted and feared to be, the past is where I wished I stayed to be, and the present became a blur.
Now, I am starting to realize that my previous years were to self-centered and less adventurous as I wanted it to be. I spend them merely thinking about this world with only me and myself on it. And because of that, it feels like I wasted the most important years of my life.
Add this void of years to the realization only setting in the final year, and I grow anxious of what is about to come. Yes, I become more independent, but will it feel the same as before? I start to worry.
My last resort now is to make every day of this new year of my life count. By that, meaning, seizing the day every time instead of sleeping in every free time I got. That reminds me of the hundreds of things in my bucket list that I barely scratched the surface off of. I need to learn to live in the present and cry less of the past and future so that my hair becomes less white at such a young age ččč.
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