A Life Beyond School
So, I've managed to almost ace a math exam, and I ended up getting to the top of the class. I gained a certificate with a unique design compared to the others. People in my life congratulate me for the incredible work.
As for me? I smile for a bit, and I move on with my day shortly after. That's about it.
I don't know why, awards just don't give me the same punch as before. At first, I would be at awe for it, I would be nervous, all sorts of emotions. But now, I see the certificates and medals as nothing more than pieces of paper and metal.
I wouldn't say I'm not satisfied, I just feel indifferent to it for some reason.
And now, well, I feel sort of empty. I would look at those medals and think "Now what?" It's just been getting too repetitive, I'd say. All I could remember in most of my days were to sleep and to study with the occasional gaming. I would look at all of my classmates with their plans after school, and I would think, "I wish I also had things to do after school." I think that eventually, I would have to leave school, and it isn't exactly the one I love doing the most as well.
And so, I began looking at what I was then, and it wasn't the same as it was now. I was an aspiring writer and artist, a scavenger for deep stories and shows, but the tight schedule before left me to "leave them be" for a while. But, I ended up dropping them entirely unintentionally.
Then finally, I looked on what I wanted to be. I wanted to be a more determined person that is more social. I wish to move on and focus in the present moment.
Turns out, I indeed have a life, I just dropped it for the sake of school. And that raised a huge red flag for me, dropping my humanity for the sake of doing something that was not really what I wanted to do. In terms of a weighing scale, school broke the tool, and my personal life weighed like a feather.
I would always think "there's got to be more to life than this," a clear sign that something was clearly very wrong for me. A sense of longing that clearly needed action. I want a life beyond school.
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